Agony / Weigh-In Monday

“I won’t fall down
My soul is bound.
This is agony.”

Urgh I feel like such a miserable broken record at this point. Again this is only going to be a quick update because it hurts so much to just sit and type right now. I mean it hurts regardless of what I’m doing (or not doing, as has been the case for the whole of last week) but every key-stroke sends electric-shock like pains up from my fingertips, through my nerves and up into my shoulders. I’m on the highest amount of pain mediation I can take and it still barely takes the edge off of this raw, seething agony. And to add insult to injury, it’s “Shark Week” too, so I’m basically just a weepy, pathetic, pain-ridden mess of person right now. FML.

It’s really annoying because I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to share and talk about on here, but I just can’t sit and type long enough, so I’ve got a list of topics to cover (jotted down in one of my notebooks) once this flare-up recedes enough for me to sit at a computer and type for more than a few minutes. Today’s weigh-in showed a “ghost-gain” of a pound or two (probably one and a half, the way the number kept flickering) but that’s just the usual added bloat that “Aunt ‘Flo” brings along with her. Once that abates in the next few days I should be back at my proper weight of around 197lb. Food choices right now are very lazy and I’m basically just eating almond butter out of the tub, scarfing back protein bars with my meds and eating slices of ham and cheese straight from the packet. Nothing exciting, but you do what you gotta do when life renders you a useless cripple.

Hopefully things will be back to normal soon (please??) and I’ll be back to being my regular sarcastic harridan self in future posts. But rest assured that no matter what life throws at yours truly, I’ll be keeping on keeping on, sticking to the plan and refusing point blank to let any of these little obstacles tempt me from the path of good choices.

Keep making good choices y’all

Blue

Quick Update

Hey everyone. Sorry I’ve not updated in a while, but I’ve been dealing with another shitty fibro flare-up. Started off in my right arm but spread across my chest and now both arms are just throbbing lumps of lead. It was all I could do to log on and type this quick update. After my last 5lb loss I wasn’t expecting much. Since then I’ve dropped another pound, gained it back and then dropped about half a pound again, so in reality there’s no change. I haven’t been up and about and moving around much. I’m eating mostly easy stuff like protein bars, nut butter and cheese, but not much else. Shark week is just around the corner so I’ll probably end up seeing a brief “ghost gain” for a few days, but right now I couldn’t care less. I’m just sleeping as much as I can and vegging out on pain-relief, watching crappy TV when I’m awake. I really can’t type any more right now. It’s just too painful, but just know that your girl is still keeping it real, sticking to eating low-carb and battling on despite all the crap that life keeps throwing at her. Doesn’t matter how shitty things get, there are no reasons to give up and veer off plan. Pain will pass; time will pass. There’s no reason to waste that time ruining your progress.

Stay committed y’all

Blue

Where I’ve Been…And Where I’m At / Weigh-In Day

“Dancing through a dream underneath the stars
Laughing ’til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart, oh, Wonderland I love.
Welcome to Wonderland, I’ll be your guide
Holding your hand under sapphire skies
Let’s go exploring or we could just go for a walk.
Welcome to Wonderland, where should we go
There’s a tea party along down the road
Make an appearance and maybe they’ll sing us a song”

So…yeah, the eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that I’ve been AWOL for over a week. I didn’t do a weigh-in last Monday and I’ve been pretty much absent from the comment sections of all my favourite YouTubers. And that was entirely intentional. Because a little something happened about 5 or 6 days ago that caused me to make a conscious decision to play truant for a wee while. And if that all sounds a bit dramatic, well it was just something that sort of made me want to proceed with a little caution; for fear of jinxing things.

Ladies and gentlemen…I have indeed arrived in “Onederland”!

As of today I weigh 14 stone and 2lb – which in total makes 198lbs.

I literally cannot even remember the exact time I last weighed this little. I know, it’s still a really heavy weight for a person of my elf-esque 5ft small stature, but this is a really big deal to me. I haven’t been able to describe my weigh in figures starting with ‘One hundred’ for decades. I initially saw the scales drop to a fluctuating reading between 199 and 200lb last week, so I knew I was on the cusp of breaking through the barrier into the 100’s. But I also knew how likely it was for the scale to go back up before dropping back down underneath 200lb, so I decided to just take a little break from updating, step away from the YT weigh-loss community and allow nature to take its course. Which it did and just as I expected I briefly went back up to 201lb for a day before dropping to 199lb yesterday and 198lb today.

So, that means…um…since I last weighed in, I have lost another 5lb.

And in total, I have lost 72lb…or in Old English money 5 stone 2lb.

I don’t mean to brag, but like…I AM FREAKING KILLING IT, Y’ALL! Your girl here has been at this for 246 DAYS! And I am showing zero signs of battle fatigue yet; in fact things are just starting to get interesting because I’m only 28lb (2 stone) from my initial goal of -100lb and when we smash through that little milestone, we’re gonna have to start setting some brand new goal-weights! I mean, I have absolutely no idea what my UGW is going to end up being; I’m just going to have to play it by ear, see what looks & feels good and take it all under doctor’s advisement obviously, but y’all…IT. IS. ON!

“I’m smokin’ while I’m runnin’
This town, and you better believe it, honey
I’m laughin’ as I’m takin’ no prisoners
And takin’ down names
I’m cryin’ while I’m gunnin’
In the smoke, they can hear me comin’
If you were me, and I was you
I’d get out of my way”

In My Feelings ~ Lana Del Rey

The only downside to all of this weight-loss, is trying to get used to the new sensations, I’m experiencing as certain parts of my body are now in a totally different position and feel completely out of alignment. I can no longer just flop into bed and assume the same old position I’ve been sleeping in for years. Now I have to actually try to figure out the right angle to position my head on the pillows, and then where my hands go – and it’s bizarre! I’m having to learn how to lie down and go to sleep, lol. I’m also now acutely aware of the way my knees feel lying atop one another when I’m on my side. I can’t ever remember noticing that sensation ever before! The bagginess of clothing is still funny but I’ve been getting creative with belts and safety-pins, lol. And once I’ve gotten closer to my UGW I’ll start thinking about actually buying some new clothes. But it’s feeling weird in my own skin, inside my own body, that’s going to take a long time to get used to.

I know I’ve lost weight – and quite a significant amount thus far; but some days I can’t see it or feel it at all. I still manage to smash my hips into doorframes, misjudge spaces that I think I can or cannot fit through, and I don’t really feel as though I’m genuinely occupying any less space. Objectively I know that I’ve lost over 5 stone. I can see the weight tracking downward on the scale and my clothing is hanging off me like something you’d see on a scarecrow. And I feel much healthier…I just can’t put my finger on what the disconnect really is. I guess I’m just going to have to get used to it because it’s only going to get crazier.

But that’s the only downside to all this really. I’m still kicking arse and powering on, ready to hit more targets and leave more milestones in the dust. Because we’re in ‘Onederland’ now guys, there’s no going back…because I’m just not that person anymore.

Here’s to becoming a better person than we all were yesterday, folks. Physically, mentally, socially, spiritually…whatever it is, just get on with being the best version of yourself that you can. Because accepting anything less really is just madness.

See you down the Rabbit Hole, y’all

Blue