Agony / Weigh-In Monday

“I won’t fall down
My soul is bound.
This is agony.”

Urgh I feel like such a miserable broken record at this point. Again this is only going to be a quick update because it hurts so much to just sit and type right now. I mean it hurts regardless of what I’m doing (or not doing, as has been the case for the whole of last week) but every key-stroke sends electric-shock like pains up from my fingertips, through my nerves and up into my shoulders. I’m on the highest amount of pain mediation I can take and it still barely takes the edge off of this raw, seething agony. And to add insult to injury, it’s “Shark Week” too, so I’m basically just a weepy, pathetic, pain-ridden mess of person right now. FML.

It’s really annoying because I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to share and talk about on here, but I just can’t sit and type long enough, so I’ve got a list of topics to cover (jotted down in one of my notebooks) once this flare-up recedes enough for me to sit at a computer and type for more than a few minutes. Today’s weigh-in showed a “ghost-gain” of a pound or two (probably one and a half, the way the number kept flickering) but that’s just the usual added bloat that “Aunt ‘Flo” brings along with her. Once that abates in the next few days I should be back at my proper weight of around 197lb. Food choices right now are very lazy and I’m basically just eating almond butter out of the tub, scarfing back protein bars with my meds and eating slices of ham and cheese straight from the packet. Nothing exciting, but you do what you gotta do when life renders you a useless cripple.

Hopefully things will be back to normal soon (please??) and I’ll be back to being my regular sarcastic harridan self in future posts. But rest assured that no matter what life throws at yours truly, I’ll be keeping on keeping on, sticking to the plan and refusing point blank to let any of these little obstacles tempt me from the path of good choices.

Keep making good choices y’all


This Is What Makes Us Girls / Weigh-In Day

“Somethin’ that we’d die for it’s our curse
Don’t cry about it, don’t cry about it
This is what makes us girls”

(I love this song so much…it’s literally the anthem to my youth. Good times!)

Yes, it’s Wednesday, yes I’m 2 days late weighing in, but “Aunt Flo” has been wreaking her regular havoc with my weight this week, so I decided to give it a couple of days and get a more realistic figure. If you remember from my last post, I had gotten down to a new low weigh of 14 stone 6lb (202lb) but I didn’t update the ‘Fat Stats’ or make it an official weigh-in because it was mid-week and I was just starting into “Shark Week” I wanted to wait and see what would happen.

Well “Aunt Flo” really didn’t disappoint (and I mean that in the most sarcastic way, because nothing is more disappointing than watching the scale creep up for absolutely no reason – urgh!) because the very next day (yes…really) I weighed myself again and got a somewhat disheartening reading of 14 stone 10lb (206lb) which meant that mother nature had bestowed a whopping 4lb of “ghost-gain” upon me, literally overnight. FML.

Obviously, I knew this was just the usual hormonal bloat, but it’s still an absolute pain in the tits (tits that are already sore as frick right now – thanks nature!) to see the scale going in the wrong direction. On Monday “Aunt Flo” was still here and I was still showing that bullshit weight of 14 stone 10lb (206lb) so I decided to give it another couple of days and see how things panned out. Today however, I could definitely feel that the bloating had receded and “Aunt Flo” was looking like she might be almost ready to feck back off to wherever it is she spends the other 3 weeks out of every month…so I decided to do a proper weigh-in and update the ‘Fat Stats’.

So…what’s the damage? Well today I weighed in at 14 stone 7lb (203lb) which is an official loss of 2lb since my previous proper weigh-in. I’m more than happy with that! And it also means that I’m only 4lb away from slipping into ‘Onederland’ for the first time in decades! I’m so close I can almost taste it! I know I’m losing a lot more slowly than I was at the beginning of this mission and I probably could lose a bit more each week if I were to tighten up my food intake and tweak things a little bit; but to be honest, I’m really not inclined to want to unduly stringent at this stage of the game. I might bitch and moan about the times when “Aunt Flo” causes the scale to go haywire every month, but that’s just me being a girl, whining about what it means to be a girl, because girls are hormonally programmed to be whiny beeshes. I’m perfectly happy with the overall downward trend on the scale and see no reason to start implementing any unnecessary or unsustainable big pushes to lose all the weight super-fast.

I’m seeing a lot of people fall into that trap lately. It’s as if they’re unable to maintain the motivation they started out with, without upping the ante at the wrong time. I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve tried to tell people that they shouldn’t be trying to lose weight using means and methods they’re unwilling or unable to keep up in perpetuity, in order to maintain that weight loss, once they hit goal. People give a lot of lip-service to the notion of this being an actual life-long change in lifestyle, when in reality they’re still stupidly hung-up on making those massive losses week-on-week right now, somehow convincing themselves that they’ll keep this up forever…only to find it too difficult to hold fast to for more than a month or so. If you can’t keep to your stringent, strict and super-charged restriction right now, why do you think you’ll be able to keep it up in the long run? The cognitive dissonance is real y’all!

No, I’m just happily plodding along, doing my own thing, losing steadily and not doing anything I won’t be able to keep up in the long run. Of course as I get closer to my UGW (probably about 55-60lb from where I am now TBH) I’ll probably have to start looking at TDEE etc, but as things stand right now I don’t have a clue how many calories I ingest every day. I don’t know what my TDEE is as of yet and I’m not going to bother even looking into those numbers until the scale stops moving for a considerable amount of time and I need to pay a bit of attention to what I’m consuming. What I’m doing is still working just fine for me right now, so I’m happy to keep on keeping on. Keeping things as simple as possible, to make this all as sustainable as possible. Because anyone can go balls-to-the-wall restrictive for a time and shift a ton of weight all at once…but those same people are unlikely to maintain that loss once they hit goal. And that’s the real challenge for me: making permanent changes in habit and losing the weight in a way that I don’t have to fight to maintain.

Stay realistic folks


Here I Go Again

“Here I go again
Though I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh, Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on”

Oh man, if that isn’t just an absolute banger of a track. Those really were the days: Whitesnake, Van Halen, Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Cutting Crew…so many awesome groups making epic track after epic track. I’d give anything to go back in time and live then. I hate the way things are now, it’s like all innocence is lost and like David Foster Wallace said “Irony killed sincerity”. The only music like this that’s being made anymore is by groups who are deemed to be creating “ironic” tributes to the 80’s hair rock legends. Screw irony. These guys made music that was awesome because they freaking loved it and we were able to come along for the ride too. Stop the time-train folks, I wanna get off.

Anyway, today’s post is brought to you by 80’s nostalgia, Green & Blacks 85% Dark Chocolate and Nurofen Plus. Because yep, it’s that time again y’all. Yes already. No I have no idea where the last month went and yes I’m as surprised as you are to find that good old “Aunt Flo” is back in the building again, ready to kick my arse and probably do weird things to my weight that make absolutely zero sense. Yay me.

It’s weird though because when I woke up earlier I felt a little bloated. I haven’t really been taking much notice of the dates (because why would I when every single day is the same as the one before in lockdown limbo) so I didn’t actually make the connection at first. I wondered if maybe I’d eaten a bunch of sugar-alcohol the day before, but I’m not gonna lie, my brain ain’t the greatest at any time of the day, never mind when I first get up, so I didn’t really think too much on it. I did decide to get on the scale though, which I don’t normally do mid-week, just to see what the damage was, but when I looked at the screen it said I weighed 14 stone 6lb. WTF? That’s 2lb less than I did on Monday? That doesn’t even make sense??

And it made even less sense when a couple of hours later I felt that familiar “twang” deep inside my lower abdomen and realised that “Shark Week” was once again upon me. Because shouldn’t I have actually seen some “ghost-gain” on the scale then, when I weighed in earlier? I felt a bit bloated, but I hadn’t had the normal sore boobs or grouchiness that normally hits me shortly before “the communists start squatting in the neighbourhood and kick my arse from the inside out.” Why is the scale showing a loss of 2lb?

I have no idea. I haven’t been doing anything differently and like I said, at this particular time of the month I should be seeing “ghost-gain” not a loss, right? Yeah well your guess is as good an mine. Frick knows what’s going on, but I’m probably going to be seeing the scale go up at some point in the next 7 days, so I’m at least glad I got to see that 14 stone 6lb on the scale today – that’s an all-time low! Well, low since I was about 13 or 14 years old (many, many moons ago). Chances are it’ll be a while before we see that weight again what with the inevitable impending hormonal fluctuations and whatnot, but it was cool to see it, if only for one day. I’m not going to update the ‘Fat-Stats’ with that weight because it’s not an official weigh-in day, but I wanted to record it for posterity in a post at least.

Come next Monday (or knowing me I’ll forget and end up weighing in and updating on Tuesday because I’m a bit crap of keeping track of what day it is) I’ll undoubtedly be frustrated as all hell because the scale is showing a 6lb gain out of absolutely nowhere and I’m back on the hormonal merry-go-round again. Ain’t being female fun?

So yeah, that was just a brief mid-week update because nothing here makes any sense any more and I’ve given up trying to figure out what’s going on at any particular time of the month. Be sure to tune in for my next update where it’s absolutely anybody’s guess what’s going to happen. FML.

Have a lovely weekend folks


Going In Circles / Weigh-In Monday

“I know nothing stays the same
But if you’re willing to play the game
It’s coming around again”

Here we are again. Monday, already. I have no idea where the last week went. I have absolutely nothing to show for it, except for a few books read on my Kindle and some videos watched on YouTube. Of course the dreaded “Shark Week” is upon me again, but I’m hoping (finger crossed) that this month isn’t going to turn into another “Shark Fortnight” as I’ve been taking my Mefenamic Acid every morning without fail. But the usual hormonal bloat is here as expected and I’ll just go ahead and get my weekly weigh-in out of the way, because it too is showing exactly what I expected: a few pounds of “ghost-gain”. Last week I maintained, after a previous week’s loss of 5lbs. Last week I was 14 stone 9lbs (205lbs) and today the scale says I’m at 14 stone 12lbs (208lbs which means I’ve “gained” 3lbs this week. Really?

Urgh. I know it’s just hormones and water weight or whatever, but I’m starting to think I might be in a sort of plateau phase right now. It’s hard to know, because when I look back over my ‘Fat Stats’ for the past few months, I’m still doing the same thing where I:

  • Gain weight during “Shark Week/Fortnight”
  • Lose Weight
  • Maintain
  • Gain weight again because yet again “Shark Week/Fortnight”

Which is totally normal for me, but I’m not sure if my cycle is the thing causing me to have so many problems, or if I’m genuinely in a plateau phase right now. If it is a plateau, then cool, whatever; I knew I was due to hit one sooner or later because I’ve been losing steadily and happily enough for the past 6 months. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with the annoyance of “Aunt Flo” creating havoc for me, for anything up to 2 weeks out of month, because I’m starting to feel like I’m going around in circles. Gain, lose, maintain, gain. Repeat every month, ad – literal – nauseum.

If this is a plateau phase (however cunningly obfuscated by hormonal interferences) then I’ve planned for it. I expected it to happen and would be happy to use the few techniques I have at the ready, should weight loss start to stall for an extended period of time. I’m still not counting any calories in any of the food I eat, so there’s that to consider should the need arise (I was going to start reducing my portion sizes, but things seemed to be going okay without me needing to pay much attention to it, although that might be worth looking at now). I’ve also been reading up on some ways in which I can start to incorporate ‘Intermittent Fasting’ into my diet – which will need a bit of jiggling around with medication and whatnot, but should be ultimately doable if I work it out properly.

Plateaus just happen – especially to those of us with a lot of weight to lose – so there’s no need to get stressed about it. Just stick to your plan and keep doing what you’ve been doing for a few weeks and see how things pan out. Obviously, as we lose more and more weight, the amount of food we actually need to consume also decreases, so if weight loss stalls for more than a few weeks, it’s probably time to take a look at the amount of food you’re eating and maybe try reducing it a bit. I know all this and am fully prepared to start making the necessary adjustments to my diet, should it be the time to do so.

But I’m not entirely sure if I am in a plateau phase or not, because of the weird way that my weight fluctuates so much every month, because of my cycle. And I don’t want to jump the gun and begin tinkering with my food intake too early, because that will only mean I have even less wiggle-room to play with once the real plateau phase kicks in. I swear, the menopause can’t come early enough for me…but if my mother is anything to go by, I’ve got another 20 years of this monthly crap to endure before “Aunt Flo” finally packs up her stuff and moves out for good. Yikes!

Maybe it’s a plateau, maybe it’s just my hormones, maybe it’s Maybelline…frick knows what’s behind it right now, but I’m guessing this whole lockdown bullshit isn’t helping things. I’m definitely sleeping more and moving even less than usual, which is probably playing into how much food I actually need to consume every day. And my joints have been hurting a lot more than usual which means I haven’t been making much of an effort to go out for a walk, but then I never used any additional exercise as a means to increase or aid my weight-loss, so I doubt that’ll be having any impact in and of itself. I guess I just feel pretty ‘meh’ right now. Lockdown blues, hormonal mood, fibromyalgia playing up…I’m probably just being a whiny bitch, lol.

All I can do right now, is just keep on sticking to the plan, try to ride out this latest “visitation” and see where it leaves me at the end of it. I’ll probably give it a couple more months just keeping on with how I’ve been eating and then see if I need to re-evaluate my intake. Sure it’s annoying and frustrating to feel like I’m going in circles, but I knew going into this new way of eating that weight loss is rarely linear and that patience was going to be key to success. One thing I won’t be doing is veering off plan or giving myself any pathetic excuses to eat any carby junk. Sure I’ll probably have the odd bitch and moan on here about “Aunt Flo” and her shenanigans, but even if the scale is going up and down and all over the place, I’m committed to this way of eating for health, for the rest of my life. There are no good reasons or excuses for going off-plan and I’m not about to start trying to invent any, just to acquiesce to the inner sugar-addict who will forever be a monkey on my back.

My kitchen is stocked with plenty of good, nutritious foods, and I have some protein bars, nut butters and shakes on hand for those moments when I can’t countenance the idea of eating anything too substantial, but still need to put something in my stomach to take my meds with. I’ve also got a 12-pack of ‘Nano A Protein Pancakes’ on order from Amazon (because yes, my hormonally addled brain was seriously craving something cake-like and that ‘buy-it-now’ button is literally the devil in disguise, lol) which are allegedly going to be delivered by Thursday 1st April (omigod, we’re almost in April, already!) but the way my Amazon deliveries have been going lately, frick knows when (or if) they’ll actually get here.

I know, I know, I could probably make these myself, but I fricking hate cooking anything and it would have taken just as long for a packet of protein pancake mix to get here, as it would these pre-made ones (no, I don’t have a bunch of baking ingredients on hand to just make stuff…the only thing I have in common with Martha Stewart is our inherent dislike of taxation) and I was feeling very sorry for myself as “The Communists Started Squatting In My Neighbourhood And Began Kicking My Arse From The Inside Out”. The ingredients aren’t what a lot of people would consider “clean” keto, but I’m not actually doing any official keto, just low-carb with a maximum of 20g carbs a day.

Pancake: water, whey protein (milk) (VOLAC Volactive Ultra Whey 80 Instant), egg yolk, humectant (glycerine), wholemeal flour, sunflower oil, fillers (disodium diphosphate, sodium carbonate, calcium carbonate), maize starch, sweetener (sucralose), salt, preservative (potassium sorbate, sodium acetate).

Filling: water, sweetener, flavouring, modified starch, refined vegetable fat, low-fat cocoa powder, thickener (carboxymethylcellulose), flavouring, salt, preservative (potassium sorbate), emulsifier (polysorbate 60).

The nutritional panel says that each one contains 13.1g of carbohydrate with 2.8g of that being sugar. It’s tempting to just go with the amount of sugar in each one, but looking at the ingredients list, I think I’ll be better off counting the 13g total carbs when I eat these. I’m not planning on eating them every day (this month’s “Shark Week” will probably – hopefully! – be done with by the time my order even arrives) and I’ll try to keep most of them back until next month’s “visitation” when the hormonal need for something cake-like, rears its ugly head again.

But for now, I’m just going to settle for a protein-collagen-keto shake and a little squeezy sachet of ‘Pip & Nut Almond Butter’ to keep me going. I think I might even be up for a steak this evening – lord knows I could do with the iron boost! And I’ve got some ‘Green & Black’s 85% Dark Chocolate’ to have with a cup of coffee later in the evening or before I go to bed. The G&B bars are nicely portioned off into rows of 3 squares. 2 rows / 6 squares (18g) comes in at 4.2g of carbohydrate, with 2.6g of sugar. Being really dark and intense, those 2 little rows are just the right amount to give you a nice little hit of chocolatey loveliness, without any added polyols. Perfect for this time of the month.

Anyway, that’s all I have to share with ya’ll this weekly weigh-in. I really must get around to posting some mid-week stuff in here too…I just seem to keep blinking and before I know it, another 7 days have rolled around. Fecking lockdown bollocks! Right now, I’m off to lie down and listen to ‘Chemtrails Over The Country Club’ for a bit and try to get my arse to stop feeling like I’ve dislocated by left buttock. I’m so rock ‘n roll y’all, lol!

Stay sane folks


Oops / Weigh-In Monday (Except It’s Tuesday, Because…Reasons)

“I guess I’ll never know where your head is at…
…I’ll be forgetting the blue.”

Yes, I know. It’s Tuesday, not Monday, but if I thought I was lost in some weird dreamlike state last week, this week has been even worse. I literally forgot what day it was because who cares anymore, when everyday is lockdown day and somehow we’re almost into April, when it was only just Christmas like, 5 minutes ago. I haven’t even gotten dressed in about 3 days now, and I’m not even remotely exaggerating when I tell y’all that I slept for over 28hrs between Sunday and today. Seriously, I only got up to use the bathroom, take meds and crawl back into bed for another of my epic sleep-a-thons. The only reason I ended up realising what day it was, was when I went to check the date on my phone to see if my turkey-burgers were still okay to eat.

And it turned out that I’d pretty much slept through Monday, forgot all about weighing in and basically just checked out of reality there for a while. Yikes. At this rate it’s going to be Christmas again and I’ll have zero idea where the entire year went. I’m so unbelievably sick of all this lockdown bollocks and just want the government to open everything back up, and let us all decide for ourselves how much we want to isolate or wear those pointless fricking masks (which, spoiler alert: don’t fucking work!) I’ve already had Covid once, I don’t care if I get it again because weirdly enough, I have this in-built thing called an immune system that’s been fighting off coronaviruses since the day I was born. People have been conditioned to think that this Covid-19 thing is a new thing and that it’s a special novel coronavirus that’s gonna kill us all. It’s not. Coronaviruses are nothing new. Most of us will contract this one and either be asymptomatic or have mild symptoms, just like we do whenever there’s a seasonal cold or flu going around. The people who are at risk, are always at risk from ALL the viruses (coronaviruses or otherwise) and can choose to protect themselves accordingly. But the majority of people will NOT die from this bullshit. I really wish more people would understand that and free themselves from this pathological fear of contracting something that isn’t going to kill them. Masks don’t prevent the spread of aerosolised virus particles from exhalation, so all we’re doing is engaging in a dumb collective performative act of compliance. And we’re letting governments eradicate our civil liberties whilst we do it. Just fucking enough already!

Grr…this shit makes me so angry. The average person just takes what they’re told at face value and allow themselves to be terrorised into weak, compliant, cowed responses because they aren’t even aware of what powers a government should really have over their personal freedoms. I’m an adult. If I want to expose myself to a multitude of risk factors, that’s on me. If you really believe that masks work, then you should be happy to wear one for yourself, fully content with the protection you believe that it’s giving you. That I do or do not choose to wear one shouldn’t matter to you. If they work, yours is working for you. If yours isn’t protecting you, then you really have to stop and think about why that is, and maybe consider why we’re all continuing to go along with this bullshit charade.

I’m just especially pissed off today because I woke up to find that I’d been sent a letter “inviting” me to get vaccinated, because my priority group were now being called. Yeah, no, not gonna happen bro. Don’t need one, not getting one. If y’all think you need one and you think it’s going to protect you (against a constantly mutating virus, despite having been created from a previous strain) then you do you. If it works, you’ll be golden, right? I’m just going to keep on relying upon the immune system I was born with and expose myself to as many germs as I always have, because that’s what’s kept me alive thus far. I don’t own a hand sanitizer; never have, never will. I only ever wash my hands if I’m preparing food or after I’ve been to the bathroom. Or if they get something icky on them. Drenching ourselves in sanitizer isn’t healthy. Understanding germ theory and implementing a basic level of sanitation is one thing; killing off everything so our immune systems stop working at all is fucking ridiculous. That letter about getting vaccinated went straight in the bin. Fuck that.

Anyway, rant over. I weighed myself earlier and this week I’ve just maintained. Which is pretty predictable if I look back over the past few months. I’ve also got really sore boobs, cramps and kinda want chocolate, which means it’s time for another visit from “Aunt Flo”.

“WTF? Already? Didn’t we just get over the last ‘visitation’?”

Yeah, that’ll be the ‘time-meaning-absolutely-freaking-nothing-anymore’ thing again. Plus, last time went on for about a fortnight, so with my cycle still being 28 days long (ish) there was only 2 weeks off before this month’s was due again. This time around though, I’ve started taking the Mefenamic Acid immediately after getting that first twinge. If I take it every day (and don’t make the mistake of stopping taking it too soon, like last month) then I might be lucky enough to get away with just the regular “Shark Week” instead of the “Shark Fortnight” I’ve been having of late. Either way, I’m still going to probably end up seeing a “ghost-gain” on the scale next week…so there’s that to look forward to. Yippee!

As you can see, I’m in a pretty crappy mood today. I’d like to just chalk it up to the impending hormonal shenanigans, but I’m just generally pissed off with all this lockdown crapola and want my freedom back. So I’m just going to end this post here before I go off on another rant. To cheer y’all up though, here’s a little meme that’ll make everyone laugh, no matter where they sit on the mask-wearing opinion spectrum. Enjoy:

Have a good week folks


Woman Down / Weigh-In Monday

“The man in black
He found a crack
Inside my mind”

Okay, so where did the past 7 days go? Seriously, it only feels like yesterday that I was last getting on the scale and reporting back to y’all, yet here we are again going through the motions once more. And it’s been a really weird week for me. First off there was “Aunt Flo” who totally overstayed her welcome, but then I decided to really overdo things midweek and caused myself a bunch of aches, pains and miseries. Because a/ no I will never learn and b/ I still got things to do, regardless of how crappy I know it’s going to make me feel the following day. But, on the plus side, after what feels like an eternity, “Aunt Flo” has finally fecked back off from whence she came; and boy was the change in my entire physicality so freaking different. Literally overnight I went from only being able to eat the driest, least interesting of protein bars and nearly vomiting at the smell of my other half’s dinner, to waking up starving hungry and really wanting to eat some real food.

And eat I very much did! I had 4 quarter-pound steak burgers, a 200lb bag of broccoli (steamed), 10 brussels sprouts and grated cheddar cheese all over the lot! I was absolutely famished and needed all that protein and iron so badly after a miserably nauseated “Shark Fortnight”, that I devoured the lot in about 15 minutes. Oh and then I had a cup of coffee with cream afterwards and 18g of ‘Green & Black’s 85% Dark Chocolate’ too. It felt so freaking good to be eating a proper meal again (albeit a pretty damn huge one, but I’d been living on mostly protein bars & a bit of nut butter for nearly 2 weeks, so sue me, lol) and it might just have been psychosomatic, but I swear I could feel my strength returning to me almost immediately. Which is fantastic, because feeling like death (not even warmed up) for 2 weeks in a row really sucks balls y’know?

But I did my best throughout that period (pun totally intended) to keep referring back to Marcus Aurelius, for a bit of stoic motivational writing and at least try to see it all as a temporary thing that I would get through. Which of course I knew to be true because “Shark Week/Fortnight” seems to really floor me for a good amount of time, almost every month now. But I’m not gonna lie, there were moments when I just felt like my mood was plummeting to the ground and there was nothing I could do about it. Having fibro & arthritis is pretty miserable anyway. Getting a monthly visit from “Aunt Flo” is always pretty grim. But having a 2 week long “visitation” that in turn triggers off a worsening of the other stuff, really grinds a person down. I didn’t eat off-plan at all during that fortnight which is largely down to my having made the low-carb WOE a normal habit now, but feeling pukey for a lot of the time probably helped, lol. Although, I don’t know that eating nothing but protein bars is really all that good for anyone (it’s not something I plan on doing at any other time of the month) and the jury’s out as to whether we should be counting total carbs or net carbs; but I really didn’t care one way or the other. I needed stuff in my stomach to take my meds, but couldn’t eat much of anything or else I’d throw up. So protein bars it was. And they have a bunch of vitamins and other nutrients in them too, so I was getting some nutrition into me. But man was I ever ready for red meat once it was all over!

So yeah, thank frick that’s all over for this month! But, I hear y’all ask, what is the scale saying this week? Well, if you remember last week and the week before that, I was seeing freaking gains when I weighed in. Which was a bit annoying really because I wasn’t eating off-plan, so I knew it wasn’t a “fat-gain”, just what I like to refer to as a hormonal “ghost gain”. Thankfully the bloating has now gone-away and I’m happy that the number on the scale is a true representation of what I actually weigh now…which is 14 stone 10lbs (206lbs).

To put that all into perspective, 3 weeks ago on 15th February, I weighed 14 stone 12lbs (208lbs). The following week I was 14 stone 13lbs (209lbs) and last week I was 15 stone 1lb (211lbs) but both those weeks’ “gains” were down to the hormonal bloat of “Shark Fortnight”. Now I’ve dropped that 3lb of “ghost-gain” along with another 2lb of regular fat-loss, bringing me right back on track to where I should be. So that’s a relief. Although I’m just altogether more relieved to see the back of “Aunt Flo” and all her evil tricks – especially the sore boobs! – but that whole meshugas was really getting me down there for a bit. My mood today though, was already really good even before I stepped on the scale to see what I weighed this week; getting this reading today has only added to it.

And on that cheerful note folks, I’m going to leave you. Amazon is calling me and I have a bunch of new stationery that I really want to buy myself…maybe some more energy drinks too because I love the convenience of having a crate of them delivered straight to my door (even if the other half ends up pinching half of them – the absolute swine, lol!). I might not be able to buy myself any new clothes just yet, but I have plenty of other stuff on my wish-lists to go splurge on. Because why not?!

Have a lovely week y’all


Only Women Bleed / Weigh-In


Okay, so let me just start off this post by acknowledging the fact that the song featured here today doesn’t in fact have anything to do with “Shark Week” (or “Shark Fortnight” as it’s become round these parts) and I know it pisses Alice Cooper off that so many people make that incorrect connection between the song and the subject matter but a/ it’s a good song and b/ I’m too crabby to care about actual relevance right now.

I think it was Roy Chubby Brown who first joked about not trusting anyone who bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die. Well, he’d probably be denouncing me as a witch or something right now, because this month’s little “visitation” is already more than double that. And the predictably depressing corollary of that is a further “gain” on the scale, despite me not only having remained 100% on plan, but also having eaten half as much as I normally would over the past 7 days. I probably jinxed myself in last Monday’s post by saying how grateful I was to only see 1lb of “ghost-gain” when I weighed in, because here I am 7 days later and that “ghost-gain” has increased by another 2 whole fricking pounds!

And that’s a better number than it was saying yesterday, lol. I don’t normally weigh myself on a daily basis, but whenever “Aunt Flo” is in town, I totally hop on the scale to see what damage she’s been wreaking on my poor body every morning, as soon as I get up. Some months are worse than others (previous months that have fallen in such a way as to make it look as though my period has had no effect on my weight, definitely made months like this one feel way more hideous, I know that much) but this month was particularly bad. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before but because of my having sporadically really heavy periods, I’m prescribed Mefenamic Acid by my GP. I’m supposed to take them as soon as I start cramping before a period starts, every day until it ends; but I react really badly to Mefenamic Acid and it makes me violently sick. To counter that I’m also prescribed Omeprazole.

Sounds fine right? Well no, not really. I’m also prescribed Co-Codamol and Diazepam for my arthritis and fibromyalgia (among a bunch of other things, lol) and Omeprazole is not only contraindicated with Diazepam (so I have to halve my dose of Diazepam while taking Omeprazole) but it can also cause constipation…which is then exacerbated by the Co-Codamol and the lowering of my Diazepam dose. Which is a really long-winded way of explaining to y’all that not only am I bloated from hormonal water-retention, but I also haven’t been able to take a shit in about 3 days.

Yeah, we’ve been here before and yes I know how to normally prevent or relieve constipation, but right now I’m so nauseated (something that happens every time I get my period) that I simply cannot countenance the idea of eating anything or drinking any more water than the bit I take with my medication. Which in itself is only contributing to the problem, I know, but I have to be careful not to throw up because then I don’t know whether or not any of my regular medications have been absorbed into my system – and I can’t just take another dose in case I end up double-dosing. This month I took the Mefenamic Acid as soon as I started to get those cramps, but I stopped taking it when it looked like this “visitation” was tapering off, because I figured everything was just about done for the month.

Yeah…no…didn’t quite work out like that. Because the very next day “Aunt Flo” came back with a vengeance and has now been FAR outstaying her welcome for the past few days. With that has come all the nausea again, so I just haven’t been eating much at all. I can really only manage a few bites of a really dry protein bar with my meds – which I know is exacerbating the constipation – and because I’m back taking the Omeprazole too, that’s also making that joyful little side effect even worse. My tits are back to feeling like giant throbbing rocks of agony to the point where I can’t even wear an underwired bra and my abdomen is so noticeably swollen, I’m starting to look pregnant. Oh and on top of all that, the fibro is also playing up too, because why the fuck not?

Seriously, the “ghost-gain” is literally the least of my concerns right now, because I know that it’s not real “fat-gain” (yesterday the scale said I was 15 stone 3lb which is 5lb heavier than I was before “The Communists Started Squatting In The Neighbourhood And Kicking My Arse From The Inside Out” and today it’s saying I’m 15 stone 1lb, which is better I guess, but still absolute bullshit, lol). I’m barely eating, I’m certainly not eating “off-plan” and yet “Mother Nature” has decided to just mock me with her hormonal tricks that have just about sucked the life out of me. I can’t take a laxative because they will interfere with the Mefenamic Acid and Omeprazole…and I really need to keep taking those in order to get this goddamn haemorrhaging to stop. And I’m trying to cut down on the amount of pain relief and Diazepam I’m taking in order to help with the constipation, but I’m in so much pain right now I simply can’t not take any of it.

So I’m completely stuck in this weird situation where all I can do is wait it out, because if I stop taking the Mefenamic Acid and Omeproazole, my period will just carry on indefinitely (which will mean perpetual bloat), I can’t eat a load of veg because I’m already backed up and permanently nauseated (I can’t let myself vomit because of all the other meds I take) and I can’t take a laxative because it will affect the absorption of said meds. I am literally and metaphorically stuck in a bind. It’s all I can do to try and laugh, by finding the humour in the whole ridiculous farce and revisit Uncle Marc on the daily, to try and stay sane throughout all this. Not that Aurelius wrote any meditations specifically on being constipated, but a little bit of stoicism does wonders for one’s mental fortitude!

So yeah, I still have my sense of humour folks, so don’t be feeling sorry for me. This is just life with a pre-menopausal woman whose body likes to remind her who’s in charge of this decrepit carcass from time to time. And the fact that I stay so completely “on-plan” 100% of the time means I never need worry that any of these “ghost-gains” on the scale are anything other than hormonal bloat (and being constipated, lol). It might be annoying but it isn’t anything new and I know it’s not the result of me choosing to eat a load of crappy carbs. And who knows what the scale is going to say tomorrow? For all I know it might show an even bigger number! It really wouldn’t surprise me because my engagement ring has become really tight just in the past few hours so I may well be retaining even more water than I was when I woke up and weighed myself. Meh!

I was initially going to wait until tomorrow to report on my weigh-in, because it didn’t feel like a real weight worth recording considering the circumstances. But then I realised that a/ tomorrow might well be worse, lol and b/ this whole hormonal cycle is just another part of the reality of having a body that I’m trying to change. There’s no shame in being held hostage by “Aunt Flo” because none of this is down to bad choices, it’s just the result of my having an annoying cycle and still needing to take a bunch of meds that don’t necessarily help matters. So I’m going to update the ‘Fat Stats’ page to reflect what the scale says today, but I’m not going to alter the figures in the side-bar because that just shows the number of pounds I’ve lost overall. Hopefully this time next week things will be back to normal (fingers crossed!) and until then I’m just going to try and be patient, maybe do some abdominal massage and let nature take its course.

In the mean-time, I hope that y’all are doing well wherever you are in the world and until next time, I shall bid you adieu.

Keep smiling folks


Baggy Trousers / Weekly Weigh-In

Other Half: “Babe, are you wearing joggers??!”

Me: “What? No. I don’t wear joggers babe.”

OH: “Those are joggers!”


OH: *Points at my legs* “How are those NOT joggers?!”

Me: “Because….oh…yeah, ha ha…sorry.”

Don’t even pretend like y’all don’t find yourself having the same ridiculous discussions with your other half from time to time, because we all do, lol. And let me just start off by clearing up the fact that I was not, in fact, wearing joggers!

Do people outside of the UK even know what joggers are? I mean of course you do, you probably just call them something else. If I lived in the north of England I’d probably call them ‘trackies’ (short for tracksuit bottoms) but I don’t know what the rest of you call them. Sweat-pants? Just to help elucidate the matter, here is a picture of what I refer to as ‘joggers’:

Joggers, trackies, whatever you call them, I don’t currently own a pair of them. I am not “jogger-averse”, lol, I just tend to prefer wearing jeans or bootcut trousers when I go out and leggings when I’m lounging around the house. I will probably buy a couple of pairs when I start doing a bit more exercise, but right now I own no joggers. So what was the above conversation with my other half all about then? Well, him being the eagle-eyed fashion critic that he is, noticed me wearing some baggy black trousers and felt the need to comment on them because he hadn’t seen me wearing them before. Not because he particularly cares but because when you live with someone for a while, you kind of notice everything about them…and anything new about them. And because couples have as many banal conversations as they do deep ones on a daily basis, lol.

Like most people we’re both in the regular habit of sporting what I like to call “Lockdown Chic” right now: “that almost-but-not-quite-but-still-as-close-as-you-can-get-to-just-wearing-pajamas-whilst-still-attempting-to-make-even-the-teensiest-effort-at-appearing-properly-dressed-should-the-mailman-call” combo of whatever is comfy enough to wear around the house, but not what you’d wear to bed. You know what I mean. The other half refers to his preferred version of this outfit as his “lurking gear” – which always makes me laugh because it makes him sound like some kind of creepy old man. I call mine my “slothing gear”, which probably doesn’t sound any better, lol.

“But what about the joggers, Blue?”

I hear absolutely no one asking – because literally who cares, right? Well I do; because as I’ve already stated: I own no joggers! So what gives? Well, my “slothing gear” as it turns out. Because there’s definitely a lot of “give” in them right now. You see, what my other half had mistakenly thought to be joggers, were in fact leggings. Leggings that are now so big on me that they’re baggy enough to look like a pair of joggers! Yes, really. These leggings are a UK size 20 (US size 18, AUS size 22, EUR size 48) and they fit like regular old leggings when I bought them: stretchy but a perfect fit to the size my legs were a few months ago. I love these leggings. They only cost me about £5 a pair and I bought 5 pairs of them at the same time because I just wanted something cheap and comfy for wearing around the house. I think that was back in October or maybe September, I can’t remember exactly (because time has no meaning in these here plague times) but I know I was really pleasantly surprised at the quality of them for the price – no ‘LuLuLemon’ arse-flashing moments of embarrassment any time I bend over, that’s for sure!

And I’ve just been continuing to wear them throughout pandemic times, not really paying any attention to how well they fit me, because it’s not like I’ve got many people to impress with my fashion choices right now. The thing with losing weight is, you don’t really notice it in yourself when you look in mirror every day. The changes are gradual and it takes something like trying on an outfit that didn’t fit you before, or seeing some new photos of yourself next to old photos, for those changes to really resonate with you. Wearing these leggings every day is a lot like being in my own skin every day. I wasn’t noticing them getting progressively bigger on me because it was happening gradually, along with my weight loss. It took my other half seeing them on me and mistaking them for joggers, for me to really realise that they really don’t fit me anymore. If it wasn’t for them having a good elasticated waist, they’d have fallen off me long ago – and now that I’ve stopped to look at them properly, they’re already slackly, slipping down my much-smaller arse!

It’s just such a weird thing to experience when I’ve previously only ever thought to go UP a size anytime something started to get a bit too tight on me. This is a whole other thing to have to worry about, because not only am I shrinking, but I also have no idea what size I really am. And I can’t just go into a clothes shop and try on a bunch of sizes, because this stupid, bloody lockdown crap has all the clothes shop closed down because they’re deemed “non-essential”. Yeah, okay, but my shrinking (yet still fat) arse would like to beg to differ y’all. MY LEGGINGS LOOK LIKE JOGGERS AND I’M IN DANGER OF BEING ARRESTED FORPUBLIC INDECENCY! Lol.

So yeah…that’s been my little “WTF?” moment this week. How’ve the rest of you been? Losing steadily and making continued good choices I hope. This week’s weigh-in is brought to you by “Aunt Flo”, “Mother Nature” and “The Communists Who Are Currently Squatting In The Neighborhood And Kicking My Arse From The Inside Out”. Yes, it’s that time again folks. Yes, already. Yes it only feels like I was having to deal with all this bollocks only a week ago, but as I mentioned earlier, time has no meaning here anymore. Days are just a reason to reset my diurnal 20g carb allowance, and weeks are how we try to keep track of our regular grocery hauls. Reminds me of that poem ‘Burnt Norton’ by T.S. Eliot now I think about it:

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden…

But anyway, getting back to the weigh-in results this week, “What Are The Scores, George Dawes?” (Props to those of you who know what the heck I’m talking about!)

Okay so last week I had broken through the 15 stone milestone and weighed in a 14 stone 12lb (208lb). This week, to the surprise of absolutely nobody, the scale showed a small gain reading at 14 stone 13lb (209lb). So, “Shark Week” has bestowed me with a 1lb gain of bloat (or “ghost-gain” as I sometimes refer to it) which is really neither here nor there. I never worry at all about the temporary gains that happen during this time of the month because I know it’s not a fat-gain, merely the extra water I’m retaining while my body goes through this week (or sometimes fortnight) of hormonal nonsense. And considering how big and bloated I’m feeling right now, I’m surprised it’s only showing a 1lb gain this week. My boobs are absolutely killing me and my abdomen is so noticeably swollen, I’m really glad that those leggings have got a good bit of give in them, lol!

As always I’ve remained 100% on plan all week, so I know that I’m still completely on track to carry on losing as normal once “Aunt Flo” gets back on the train to wherever that witch hails from, and I actually have to give a shout out to my friend Stephanie aka ‘The Sorest Loser’ who pointed out something to me which I really should have noticed myself. If you look at my sidebar, it shows you how many days it’s been since I switched to the low-carb way of life. Currently it’s at 177 days and when I mentioned it to Steph, she said

“That’s half a year!”

And I swear, before she said that, I hadn’t actually made the connection. Yes, me, the girl who sits and crunches and the numbers around how far she has to go until she hits ‘x’, ‘y’ and ‘z’ milestones, somehow managed to overlook the big one showing how long I’ve really been at this now. And – don’t laugh – I obviously just had a real brain-fart or moment of number blindness with this – because when she said that, my first thought was:

“Nah, it’s only been about a third of year, hasn’t it?”

Because even I have those odd occasions where the math just doesn’t add up in my poor, addled brain. But in my defence (yes I have one, hear me out, lol) it really doesn’t feel like half a year. It still feels as though I’m brand new and just starting out on my little mission. It’s all still weirdly exciting and interesting and I’ve got motivation coming out the wazoo, y’all. I’ve never once thought that this is in any way unworkable, impossible or something I don’t want to keep on doing. Sure I have those moments of ‘Fear’ but as I’ve mentioned before, that’s always tied into my own issues around unknown variables and externalities that are beyond my control. This way of eating is straight-forward, easy to follow every day, and never feels like something I’ve having to force myself to do for some quick-fix or challenge. This is just how I eat now and (pandemic time distortion aside) that’s why half a year has passed by so quickly, without my noticing. I almost pity the crash-dieters and those making the brief temporary pushes to ‘make it all happen right now!’, because they’ll never truly understand how it feels to find a way to be at peace with their approach to eating, and their relationship with food. They’ll always just be chasing those temporary sprints and spurts of “success”, only to have them all fall by the wayside once they try to return to their “normal” way of eating again.

So a big shout out to to Stephanie for highlighting just how long this has been my new “normal”. “Shark Week” blips mean nothing to me in the grand scheme of things anyway, but when I stop and think about how I’ve now been healing my body for a whole straight 6 months / half a year, it just makes me realise how well I’ve really been doing. Life is good y’all. It’s more than good. It’s great. So I’m going to go take my baggy-trousered, slowly-shrinking arse, off into the kitchen to make me and the other half some nice juicy steak-burgers. I’ll make some additional fries for him, but I’ll be having mine with a maHOOsive pile of Caesar salad – my mouth’s watering just thinking about it, lol. So take care, wherever you are in the world and I’ll catch up with y’all in my next post.

We’re in this health business for the long-haul folks.

So stay sensible


Standing Still

“Am I standing still, beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still, with the scenery flying by?”

Bleugh. What a week. Up and down and all over the show. My body has been on a little adventure of its own over the past 7 days, just making things up as it goes. Last Monday I was surprised to have seen a 2lb loss on the scale because I was just into “Shark Week”. Today…um…well we’re still in “Shark Week” (although it’s looking more like “Shark Fortnight” now) on day 12 of this joyous visit from “Aunt Flo” (who really has long outstayed her fricking welcome this month). I won’t go into gross details or anything but it did feel like “Mother Nature” was messing with me, when after 7 days, it seemed as though this particular “visitation” was over…only for the “Communists To Move Back Into The Neighbourhood And Kick My Arse From The Inside Out” again, the following day. Sometimes it really does just be like that, y’all.

And I broke my rule of only weighing once a week again over the past 7 days because I could just tell that my weight was doing some real weird things with all the bloat and whatnot. At one point (I think it was Saturday, but I can’t remember for sure) I got on the scale and it was saying I’d gained 5lb since my previous Monday weigh-in, despite me having been a/ asleep for about 16hrs a day minimum and b/ not having eaten any proper meals on a handful of days that week, due to my feeling so nauseated. I knew it wasn’t a real gain, but it still shocked me to see a 5lb increase when I saw it on the scale.

Thankfully, as “Shark Fortnight” is now (hopefully) winding down, that weight has disappeared again, and when I got on the scale today to get my Monday weigh-in reading….it said I weighed exactly the same as I did last week, lol. No loss, no gain, just maintained. So I’m still 15 stone 3lb (213lb). No worries, it is what it is (and what it is, is the hormonal bullshit that comes from being a woman, lol) and at least that “ghost-gain” bloat of 5lb fecked back off to wherever the hell it came from before I weighed myself today! If I’m being 100% honest, as I stood on the scale it did keep flickering between 212 and 213lb, so I may well actually be half a pound down from last week, but I don’t measure in half-pound increments, so I’m just going to stick with the higher amount of 213lb and call this week a flat maintain.

So, nothing really worth reporting on today. Looking back over the “Fat Stats” page, you can definitely see a pattern where every 4 weeks or so I always seem to have a 0lb loss or random “ghost gain” whenever the “painters are in”, so I’m nothing if not predictable! These things just happen every month and will continue to do so for as long as I’m still getting these joyful little “visitations”. I know it’s nothing to do with my food intake (still going strong with my 100% commitment to the low-carb WOE) or anything else that I’ve done; it’s just nature being the cruel mistress that it is.

Right now it’s just after 2.15am where I am. I’ve been up and about for an hour or so now (yes, I keep strange hours), so I’ll probably start thinking about having something to eat real soon. Steak burgers and broccoli sounds pretty good – gotta get those iron levels up, right? So I shall leave you all to get on with your own days wherever you are and I’ll have a couple of other posts lined up for y’all later on in the week. Be good to yourselves and keep on, keeping on.

Stay cool folks


Lies! Damned Lies! / Weigh In Day

I’m just gonna come right out and say it: MY SCALE SAYS I HAVE GAINED 3LB THIS WEEK! The absolute nerve of it! How very dare you scale; how very dare you!

Like, what did I ever do to deserve such bullshit? Eat off plan? Nope. Never. Not once! Did I eat more food that I normally do? Nope – probably the exact opposite actually this week. Have I been doing some sort of exercise that could account for me gaining muscle mass? Ha ha, good one. Hardly. So why the frick are you trying to tell me that I’m 3lb heavier than I was this time last week, scale? Hmm? WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THIS?

Lol. It’s okay folks, I’m not really as outraged as it seems, just slightly annoyed. The evil ‘Aunt Flo’ is visiting again right now, so it’s probably more to do with that than anything else. And whilst last month was a lot less…umm…intense than usual, it would appear that things are right back to being as horrible as they ever were this month. (So much for my optimistic theory that my new WOE might be some sort of cure-all that would see much better ‘visitations’ every month – sigh!) I’m as miserable as I ever was this time around: exhausted, nauseated, dizzy, wracked with aches & pains and just generally out of sorts. Oh and I have an absolute beaut of a zit on the right side of my chin too – thanks ‘Mother Nature’, you uber-benevolent bitch!

I could tell even before I got on the scale this morning that I was bloated and felt heavier than I did a few days ago. BUT 3 FRICKING POUNDS?/? Urgh…it’s enough to make me wish I WAS just being a greedy, fat bitch and stuffing Dairy Milk bars into my pie-hole! Well, not quite, but almost, lol. I haven’t actually eaten a real meal since Saturday afternoon/evening when the other half made us steaks (I was craving them so badly I made him bring “steak-night” forward a couple of days) and since then have only eaten a protein bar, broken up into four separate bites that I’ve had with my meds. Not because I’ve been trying to starve myself, but purely because I’ve since felt way too sick to even countenance the thought of eating real food. (I nearly threw up yesterday when I could smell someone else in our apartment building cooking Sunday dinner and the scent of it almost tipped me over the edge!)

Now my damned carcass is probably going into starvation mode or something, thinking that I’m deliberately trying to not eat, and so it’s determined to hold onto those extra pounds for fear of not getting fed again any time soon. Which is pretty frustrating, because I have a brisket in the fridge that I wanted to make, 2lb of ground beef that I got to make burger patties, fresh chicken breasts that will need eating soon and a bunch of fresh vegetable produce that I’ve just not been able to do anything with for a few days. The mere thought of even touching any of it – let alone eating any of it – makes me shudder right now. Gross. I can’t even drink coffee FFS!

Sorry, this wasn’t supposed to be a terrible “woe is me” diatribe, but I’m just so pissed off right now. Hormones from hell, nausea and a BLOODY GAIN OF 3LB ON THE GODDAMN SCALE?? Urgh. Somebody, just put me out of my misery already! I know there are going to be some people out there secretly quite gleeful at my having “gained” this week for absolutely no reason, so I’m glad to be able to cheer their miserable selves up a little bit this week. But let’s be honest, this isn’t a real gain. Unlike them I don’t take days (weeks, lol) off to gourmandise myself on off-plan foods, so I don’t need to worry about those 3lbs evaporating back off me, once ‘Aunt Flo’ has been sent packing back to whence she came!

I can only imagine how shitty it must feel to get on a scale every week and see repeatedly horrendous results, gaining and regaining and knowing it was entirely one’s own fault. To continually go off-plan, “cheat” and see the resulting uptick on the scale week upon week…that’s just not something I’d be remotely able to accept. But each to their own I guess. Maybe some people just have a weird masochistic stream which makes them live for the constant uphill struggle. Not me though. It’s annoying enough to have to accept a week like this every now and then, either through hormones or my fat-cells filling up with water just for shits ‘n giggles. I ain’t about to jeopardise my health or scupper my efforts thus far by returning to my prior eating habits – certainly not because of something as trivial as bloat.

No, we’re just going to try to be magnanimous in this temporary defeat, chalk it up to ‘Mother Nature’ being a cruel mistress and continue on doing what we’ve been doing from day one: sticking to the plan and letting nature take its course. Tis but a slight, impermanent set-back – not even that really, but with one’s hormones up the wazoo, it doesn’t take much to bring out our inner-harridan and have us ready to explode at any minor annoyance. All I can say is, next week had better be ready to display a more acceptable outcome or that bloody scale’s days will be numbered!

Anyway, screw updating the stats. I refuse to accept this week’s “results” as anything more than the hormonal bloat and a minor blip. If nothing has changed come next Monday’s weigh-in, I might update the figures to show my absolute lack of progress; but for now I’m not even going to entertain the idea that I’ve gained 3lbs in the last 7 days, and instead consider myself the same weight I was when I last weighed in. If y’all don’t agree with my methods well guess what: you’re not my real dad, so you don’t get to tell me what to do! M’kay?

Onwards and upwards folks!

(Maybe that should’ve said downwards, eh?)

Have a lovely week y’all,


EDIT: Okay, so I decided that I would update my weight this week in the ‘Fat Stats’ page, because a/ I didn’t want to not have any data entered in for this week and b/ I’m not some pathetic weakling who can’t face up to a bit of hormonal bloat. Let the ‘Fat Stats’ represent the reality of what’s going on and hopefully next week will look even better by comparison.

I’m Going Down / Weigh-In Day

I can’t believe it’s that time again! Another Monday. Another weigh-in. These ‘scale days’ are coming around quicker and quicker with every passing week and I swear it’s because we’re now in Autumn – my favourite time of year. Summer always drags by, one excruciatingly fetid day blending into the next, as I try to find the coolest place in the house to camp out in and wait out the dismal torture until September rolls around. Then, as soon as the air cools and the leaves start to turn red, gold & brown, time speeds up and whooshes past me, until Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas are all disappearing in the rear-view mirror and the Winter Solstice arrives to mark the time when days start to become longer and lighter again. I dread that time every year, because it marks the end of my favourite seasons and signifies an upcoming Spring and Summer, which I absolutely hate.

But enough of the miserable gazing into the future for now. Because today is a GOOD day. It is gorgeously cool and Autumnal, my home is filled with lovely steaks, chicken, ground beef, gammon and all my favourite vegetables (asparagus, broccoli & cauliflower). It’s 11.45pm and I’ve just gotten up – because screw you and your normal circadian rhythms, we do things a little differently round these parts – and weighed myself to see what the past week has done to the numbers on the scale. Before I share my weight, I just have to mention how different the past week has been to any/every previous ‘TOM’ weeks. If you remember my last post, I was completely blindsided by the arrival of my period a few days ago, because I hadn’t had any of the usual PMS symptoms signalling the upcoming arrival of ‘Aunt Flo’. No mood swings, no space-hopper bloat (not until the actual first day of the ‘visitation’ – and even then, it was far less than I’m used to) and no mad cravings for chocolate.

And I’m going to credit it entirely to the way I’ve been eating. It’s the only thing I’ve been doing differently and since going low-carb, I’ve felt a whole helluva lot better overall. I’ve had far fewer and less intense cramps, only one small hormonal spot on my jawline and whilst it’s still not done with for this month, this period has been less heavy and just less intense. So I have quite a lot to be happy about today, as I’m sure you ladies out there will understand. I did weigh myself a few days ago (see my previous post) to see how the scale would reflect this TOM, and it showed a gain of 2lb which I wasn’t at all bothered by, because I knew it was simply hormonal water-weight. I haven’t cheated once since going low-carb, so when fluctuations like this happen, I don’t have to wallow in guilt or second-guess myself to try to figure out why it happened. It’s very freeing to just be able to accept that my body will do this from time to time, no matter how carefully I adhere to my new WOE.

So, weighing myself today I wasn’t expecting to see any movement on the scale. The ‘red peril’ is still in town so I just assumed that the 2lb water-weigh gain would still be hanging around for the next few days. But…when I read the little display on the scale, it showed my weight as 16 stone and 11 pounds. Which means I’ve dropped that 2lb of water-weight, along with another extra 1lb of flab for good measure! How’s THAT for a good ‘Shark Week’ result, eh? A single pound loss overall might not sound impressive to many, but I’m extremely pleased with that result. Not just because that’s a perfectly healthy amount for my body to be shedding in a week, but because it’s happened during ‘Shark Week’ – a time when we all know how much our bodies prefer to hold onto our weight, than shed it.

I’m taking that as an absolute win for me! My body is responding to the efforts I’m putting in to make it healthier and I feel so much better for it. I wasn’t expecting any losses this week, but this wonderful body of mine managed to pull a nice little one out of the bag, putting the (sugar-free) icing on the (keto-friendly) cake, lol. We’ve got some nice, thick porterhouse steaks in the fridge, so the other half is going to cook me up one of them, along with some asparagus and Portobello mushrooms for my “brunch” and until then I’ve got my coffee with coconut oil in it, to sip on as I update my various social media accounts.

Time is flying by and the US election is only about a week away. With any luck I’ll be appearing as a panellist on a You Tube politics/econ channel during election night, so I’ll have to start preparing for that soon. Time really is passing by incredibly quickly. But for today I think I’ll just try to live in the moment a little and enjoy this week’s little win.

Lots of luck to everyone getting on the scale today. May all your efforts be rewarded with results.

Be good to yourselves,


What…Already? / Weigh-In Day

I appear to have forgotten what day it is again. Or at the very least, what time of the month it is, because guess who’s in town again? Yup, “Aunt Flo” is here again, but for the first time in I-don’t-know-how-long, I forgot that my period was even due. Yes, me, the planner-obsessed, forward-thinking lunatic that I am, forgot that my period was on the way. Like…um…WTF?

If you remember last month’s “visitation”, I was preparing for it about a fortnight in advance; then I had lots of lovely PMS symptoms for about 5 days before the “red peril” was actually upon me and it was right at the forefront of my mind for a good couple of weeks before it actually arrived. So what went a bit awry this time? Well…I think it must have something to do with me having been eating strictly low-carb for the past couple of months. Because for the first time in forever, I didn’t have any hideous PMS symptoms!

No change in mood, no swollen boobs, no sweet cravings…nothing. Then this morning I woke up to find that mother nature had visited her “curse” upon me. Surprised was not the word. I had to check my calendar and journal to make sure that I wasn’t going losing the plot, or that my body hadn’t just gone mad and decided to bestow an early “visitation” upon me. But when I checked the dates, it was indeed correct. I’d just neglected to remember that it was due at all. And that really weirded me out.

Okay, so a bit of back-story for y’all: I’ve been sterilised since I was 29. I never wanted children and didn’t want to have to worry about getting accidentally pregnant. It’s a decision I’ve not only never regretted, but have been amazingly grateful for, ever since my doc gave me the go-ahead to have the procedure. The only downside to it was that a month after the sterilisation I came off of birth control pills, which I’d been taking since I was 16. I thought that would be a good thing – not having fake hormones flooding through my body all the time – but what happened afterwards was a bit of a shock. As my periods came back, they got progressively heavier, longer and more painful with each month. Not just a “normal” heavy, but an “up to 10 days long and sore enough to take my legs out from under me”, heavy.

After visiting my doctor he came to the conclusion that I had endometriosis, but it had been kept from presenting itself over the 13 years I’d been taking birth-control pills. When I got sterilised and came off the birth-control, my body started to recalibrate itself and no longer had anything preventing those really heavy, long, painful periods from arriving every month. (My sister has had it for years too, so it’s entirely likely that I would also have it.) I’ve since had diagnoses of fibromyalgia and psoriatic arthritis – both disorders connected to inflammation (along with a boatload of other causes/effects) – and it’s not unusual to find that women who suffer with Fibro and/or PA, also suffer with endometriosis.

So why am I telling you all this gross information? Well…I might be jumping the gun here, but I’m beginning to think that my eating low-carb might actually be helping to reduce a lot of my symptoms and associated problems with endometriosis. I’ve been prescribed Mefanemic Acid for years now. I’m supposed to take them on the first day of my period to shorten their duration and reduce their overall impact. They’re a strong anti-inflammatory (so strong that I also have to take Losec capsules with them too, because they have a tendency to make me throw up) which also help with the pain. Sometimes I try to avoid taking them for as long as I can, because of both how strong they are and how inconvenient the side-effects are. But I always inevitably end up having to take them at some point, because my iron levels can only plummet so low before I end up being admitted to hospital!

So, yeah. Periods are usually a little bit more than a minor irritation round here. I say usually though, because this month has been a totally different experience. Like I already said, I had no PMS symptoms beforehand – which is something that hasn’t happened since I was on birth-control pills. Today my boobs are a little bit sore and I feel a bit bloated, but nowhere near what I’m used to. I just weighed myself and the scale reads 17 stone exactly, so I’ve “gained” 2lbs over the past couple of days, but I’m literally just writing that off as hormonal water-weight, because – as always – I’ve remained 100% on-plan. When you never cheat, it’s a lot easier to see these temporary blips on the scale as just that: a blip; nothing to get stressed out about.

Without going into too much gross detail (yeah…probably a bit late to be concerned about that, huh?) I haven’t had the same level of heaviness that normally hits on day 1 of my TOM. I’ve had a couple of abdominal twinges, but not the “normal” debilitating pains that leave me winded. And I have zero cravings for chocolate (which, if you’ve been following this blog from its inception, you’ll know is a miracle unto itself, lol). Everything about it is just so different and the only thing I’ve been doing differently with my life, is following a low-carb WOE. When I got my period last month I hadn’t been eating low-carb for very long, but I still noticed the absence of intense cravings. This time around, I’ve been eating this way for much longer so I guess the effects are more noticeable?

Obviously, this is still early days, so everything is just a bit of a guess, as to the long-term benefits of eating this way. Endometriosis is always exacerbated by being overweight, so it could just mean that by shifting some flab, I’ve helped to make my periods less insane. But I’m still hugely overweight and I’m only a couple of stone lighter than when I started. That doesn’t seem like enough to be impacting my periods alone. No, I’m more inclined to believe that it’s what I AM and am NOT eating now, that is effecting my overall health – my monthly cycle just being one of the things benefitting from my cutting out sugar from my diet.

I could be wrong (it DOES happen at least once a year, lol) but I know for certain that eating this way is better for me. Even if the scale doesn’t move (or if it goes up 2lb like it has there today) I’m still making healthy choices and staying committed to a better way of eating, for a better way of life. I’ve got a long way to go on my weight-loss journey and will have many more of mother nature’s little “visitations” to deal with (before the menopause comes along with a whole ‘nuther boatload of subsequent challenges for me – yay for being female, lol) so it’s anybody’s guess how things are going to play out month-by-month going forward. Right now there just isn’t enough evidence available to conclude one way or the other, what has caused this month to be so different, but it sure is interesting.

So, on that note I will end this weird, rambling post for today. Bodies are weird. Wonderful, but weird. Implementing changes doesn’t always just affect the one thing we might be hoping to target. Sometimes it’ll throw up something you can’t believe is connected to your goal and other times it’ll surprise you with some added bonus that helps brighten your day. If the past day or so has taught me anything, it is to be prepared for those added bonuses.

Any maybe to pay attention to the calendar.


Curiouser & Curiouser… / Weigh In Day

“My Tits Are On Fire.”

I will never not find that funny.

And it IS relevant, believe me (not that anyone should really ever have to have an excuse to watch clips from ‘The IT Crowd’) because dear reader, today I am STILL in the throes of what feels like an unending bout of PMS, waiting for the inevitable, so I can see what it does to mess up my weight. My temperature is up a bit, I’m a wee bit snappy with the other half (sainted long term sufferer that he is), I feel bloated like a space-hopper and my tits really hurt: achy and warm, yes it feels like my tits are on fire. Yay for mother nature.

I had expected the monthly “visitation” to be upon me by now – my body sure has been telegraphing its arrival well in advance – and for the first time in my life I’ve actually been wanting it to just hurry up and happen, because I really want to see what affect it will have on my weight. Will it make me gain a load of water weight? Will it derail me completely and make me regain some actual poundage (excellent word!) or will it just make me hit a stall and sit where I’ve been all week? I have no idea. I have no previous TOMs to compare it to. This is the first “visitation” from mother nature, since I started my low-carb WOE and I’m desperate to know how it will affect everything.

Throughout the previous week, I went against my own rule of only weighing every Monday and found myself hovering over the scale every day to see if I’d get that ‘whoosh’ of sudden weight gain I’ve been anticipating. I hate daily weighing. It makes me feel like a slave to the scale. I don’t care if my weight goes down 3lb on Wednesday but shows only 1lb lost overall by the following Monday. That initial drop, for me, doesn’t count. It’s what I weigh on Monday that matters. Any clinging to the notion that I lost some earlier on in the week seems a little delusional to me. I mean sure, I weighed 15 stone…once (looong time ago, lol). But that was then, not now. I’ve gotta draw the line under things on weigh-in day and just go with what the scale says. To gain too much satisfaction from having lost “yesterday” is like dwelling in the past because the present is too miserable to want to face up to. That’s not me. I’m about facing down the shit that’s right in front of me and dealing with it. Clinging to the weight loss of a few days ago when I’ve gone and regained some since just makes me feel like some big fat Miss Havisham, sat in my wedding dress, reliving the time when I believed someone loved me. Fuck that noise.

Back to the daily weighing though…aside from making me feel grimy and pathetic like an anorexic who jumps on obsessively, to see if 2 bites from an apple have caused the scale to to move…it didn’t show me the results I was expecting. I was SO SURE that I’d see a gain (I feel bloated enough to be holding a gallon of water under my skin right now) that I was almost disappointed when it didn’t happen. Is that a bit mental? Probably. But I sort of expected it as a sign that my body was doing everything normal, like every other woman during this time of the month. NOT seeing any, kind of has me wondering WHEN that gain is going to hit. And for some reason, in my head, I feel like the later it occurs, the bigger it’s going to be. I have no real logical reason for that…except maybe my tortured noggin is equating the fact that when periods are a bit late, they’re a bit more “intense” (lol, I’m trying to not gross out my male readers here), with TOM weight gain. I don’t even know if that makes any sense to me right now. I just want it to happen so I know where I stand. Do you know what I mean?

Mother nature is a cruel mistress, I know that much. And I know that once the dreaded “visitation” IS upon me, I’ll be miserable and moaning for it to be over, but at least I’ll have gotten to see what the scale makes of this little occasion. Right now I’m feeling uncomfortable, because I DON’T know what to expect. I hate not knowing or understanding things. It torments me. (I’ll never empathise with those who have incurious, apathetic minds. I mean sure, folk say ignorance is supposed to be bliss, but not round these parts. I want to know EVERYTHING and I want to know it all NOW!) Seriously mother nature, just curse me and be done with it!

Anyway…so despite the daily weigh-ins, nothing showed up to suggest I was due to get my “visitation”. Quite the opposite in fact. Because when I got on the scale this morning to get my official weekly stats, it showed me as having lost another 6lbs over the past week. Which is great. I mean yes, I’m happy with that and it will go down as an official new weight because that’s what it read first thing on a Monday morning, but I’m also sort of reluctant to be too happy with it, because I’m still waiting for that TOM-related fluctuation to hit. I know that probably sounds a bit batty to a lot of you, but I’m trying to navigate previously uncharted (for me) seas here. Once I’ve gotten this month’s “visitation” over and done with and things go back to normal, I’ll feel much more comfortable and safer in the knowledge that I kind of understand my own body more. Because this is all a bit new and weird to me. It’s the first time I’ve properly decided to try to lose weight and been committed to the process. I’m not one of those yo-yo dieting women who spent their 20’s counting calories and trying to aerobicize away whatever meagre fat grams they allowed to pass their lips. I’m still finding my feet and won’t be comfortable until I’ve got a another month or so under my belt.

But yeah, as of now, last week is showing a loss of another 6lb. And yes I am happy (when I’m not being a massive, crotchety bitch who dissolves in a tearfully pathetic and dramatic collapse every time I drop a pen, or knock something off the counter) with that, but I’ll be happier this time next week when I can say I know a bit more about how the whole “visitation” shenanigans will/do affect me. I don’t care if it makes me gain a bit back for a few days, as long as I know where I am and what to expect in the coming months.

This has probably been the most miserable sounding, unappreciative, anti-climactic response anyone has ever given to almost losing another half a stone in a week, but hey, I’m nothing if not original, y’all. You guys don’t come here to read the same old boring food diary shtick saying:

“This is what I had to eat today and this is what I weigh. I bet you’re fucking fascinated!”

If I achieve anything with this blog, it’ll be to give a real, honest, true account of what goes through a middle-aged woman’s mind, as she tries for the first time, to fight the flab.

Because anyone can tell you what they had for dinner…but who else is going to tell you that their tits are on fire, huh?

No one who isn’t charging you money to see them on their ‘OnlyFans’ that’s for sure.

Have a wonderful week, you beautiful people!


Wombsday Prepping

I do love me a good, funny euphemism.

Okay, so before I go any further, as you can see from the above pic, today’s conversation is going to be about mother nature’s curse upon all women, so male readers probably won’t want to tune in for this particular post. And no, you won’t be berated by me for wanting to get the frick outta Dodge; I’m not one of those demented feminist fuckwits who seem to want to emasculate men on every level – which recently seems to include trying to force y’all to want to talk about periods and become all au fait with everything menstrual…for some weird reason – no, I’m still of the old-school way of thinking where I’m perfectly happy for you guys to just, give us haemorrhaging-harridans a pound of chocolate and a wide berth. This is our gross and annoying burden and there’s no reason y’all have to be equally grossed out and annoyed during these few days too. So yeah, if you don’t fancy reading this entry, I totally understand and will look forward to seeing you here again for the next post. Conversely, if you’re not fussed by the “Red Peril”, well by all means stick around. It’s not going to be indelicately gross, or anything like that. I just thought you boys deserved a heads-up so you can make the choice for yourselves.

Right, now we’ve gotten that little proviso out of the way, we can get down to the subject matter at hand. Namely….“SHARK WEEK”! (I love that term!). Because I’m into week 3 of Atkins now; I’ve been doing okay and have decided to continue on at the induction level of 20g carbs max per day, for the foreseeable future. Currently I’m happily in ketosis and have very little appetite. I’m having 3 “meals” a day (small breakfast, shake for lunch, meat & veg for dinner) and am trying to make sure I consume enough fats to keep me losing steadily. I’m not having any real cravings for anything sweet for the most part. But in the upcoming week, all that is probably going to change…and I’d really like to be prepared for it!

Yes, it will be my first encounter with “Aunt Flo” since embarking upon a low-carb WOE and I have no idea how it’s all going to play out. I’ve never been one of those psychotic chicks who seem to morph into a combination of both ‘Carrie’ AND ‘Mommy Dearest’ whenever I’ve “Got The Painters In”, but I do notice some mood changes. For about a day before the “Red Wedding” itself, I’m usually a lot more sensitive, prone to crying over cat videos on the internet and also a little less patient with my other half. But I’m by no means impossible and that’s probably going to be about the same this next “Time Of The Month”…right?

What I AM more concerned with, is the godforsaken cravings. Jeez…I mean I’ve always had a sweet tooth and have been known to literally inhale a Snickers bar when the mood takes me. But in the few days leading up to the arrival of “Captain Scarlet And The Mysterons” I become a one-woman treat-seeking missile. Cravings so bad that they fill my mind with a constant film-reel of images of cake, chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, chocolate mousse, chocolate bars, and steaming mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows melting on top. IT’S LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT!!

All day. Every day. For about three days leading up the “Big Day” I become irrationally fixated on almost nothing but chocolate. Often even forgoing any real food, in favour of another box of Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. Yes. I get THAT ridiculous.

But this time around, things are going to be very different. I’m not going to be able to consume sugar-laden, choco-fests with wild abandon – I’ve chosen not to eat that way anymore. So what will I be eating? I don’t even know yet. Shit! I’m really going to have to try to prepare for “When Arsenal Will Be Playing At Home” this month aren’t I? For one, I have no idea how those cravings are going to play out. Will they rear their ugly heads as usual, mocking me with their tempting offers of a nice, easy break from this WOE? I can almost imagine them like actual demonic temptresses inside my head…Disney-esque witches, bitches and crones, all beckoning me over to the ‘dark side’ (where I have it on good authority that they have cookies!) Will I be strong enough to fight them off, or will my weak, cramp-ridden carcass simply succumb to the path of least resistance and end up caving in to the craving-monster and whatever it is she demands??

Urgh…I just don’t know folks. I’ve been taking a chromium picolinate with my other supplements for a while now. I don’t know if it’s had much of an effect on my sugar cravings thus far – the ketosis itself seems to be taking care of that right now; but I’m hoping that they might at least help a little in staving off the usually insane cravings next week. Also, I have no idea if those cravings will be as bad as usual, now that I’ve been sticking to no more than 20g of carbs a day. Maybe they won’t be as severe this time around – who knows? But the fact that this IS such uncharted territory, makes me somewhat worried; worried enough to want to have something potent in my arsenal, should the dreaded craving-monster slap me upside the head with one of its tentacles of temptation.

So I’ve been looking through a bunch of recipes on Pinterest, for a low-carb alternative to my usual “On The Rag” fayre. I’m really not much of a cook. I hate it in fact. I’ll never understand anyone who cooks for pleasure or to relax…for me it’s a grim, boring, messy, pain in the arse which takes me away from doing other more interesting things. Like reading. Or watching politics & econ streams on YouTube. I spend as little time in the kitchen as possible, so any new recipe I might try is going to have be real simple. I wanted something like a chocolate cake, but most of the recipes for proper cake seemed to have a lot of almond flour in them and were too carb-heavy for where I am on the Atkins plan. Then I cam across the following, which seems absolutely perfect for me: Keto Lava Cake that comes in at about 4g carbs per serving.


It’s quick, it’s easy, it involves very few ingredients and it doesn’t require me having to purchase any other new kitchen equipment. Served with a little whipped cream, this could be a real life-saver in those moments of hormonally driven weakness. The recipe is courtesy of and can be found in its entirety here for those who are interested.

The next easy recipe I settled on was for something I can either eat WITH the lava cake (if I’m feeling especially sorry for myself at that particular time) or just have in a bowl in the refrigerator to dip a spoon into, any time a rogue sweet-tooth needs some immediate comestible amelioration. Easy Keto Chocolate Mousse! The recipe makes 4 servings (allegedly, lol) at just 1.5g of carbs a serving; so it’s still well within my daily allowance if I want to eat some with the aforementioned lava cake. Hell, I could even go buck mad and eat all 4 servings in one sitting if “Bloody Mary” leaves me with a desperate hankering for some sweet, sweet, puddin’, lol.

Sweet, chocolatey, floofy goodness!

2 oz unsalted butter

2 oz cream cheese

3 oz heavy whipping cream, whipped

1 tbsp cocoa powder

stevia, to taste

Soften butter and combine with sweetener, stirring until completely blended.

Add cream cheese; blend until smooth.

Add cocoa powder and blend completely.

Whip heavy cream and gradually add to the mixture. (You may also add 1 tsp of coconut oil or MCT oil.)

Spoon into small glasses and refrigerate for 30 minutes.


(This recipe comes courtesy of Low Carb Diem and can be found in its entirety here)

So they are the 2 simple recipes I’ve decided to try and have a go at this upcoming week, in order to try and have something safe, but still decadent to eat, whilst “The Communists Are Squatting In My Neighbourhood”, and kicking my arse from the inside out.

As I’ve said before, I’m not normally an emotional eater. When I’m sad I tend to lose my appetite. But once the hormonal-bitch-mode is upon me, that tetchiness really makes me want to just lie face-down in Willy Wonka’s Choco River, until the “Crimson Tide” retreats back later in the week.

I’ve also got some Agnus-Castus supplements to take, which are supposed to help with cramps, but because life is never simple and god obviously hates me, I also have some Mefenamic Acid to take if things get a bit too heavy. I don’t think either of those will have any negative contraindications, either with my other meds/supplements or my WOE. Other than that, there’s not much more I can do to prepare for the upcoming “Season Of The Witch”.

But if anyone dares to try and suggest that I do fricking YOGA to relieve any of my symptoms over the coming week, I will NOT be held responsible for my actions!

Women have walked free from murder charges, thanks to PMS you know?

Y’all have been warned, lol!