What day is it?
It’s Saturday 5th September 2020. The temperature is definitely dropping and the nights are starting to draw in. Autumn is on the way and I can smell it coming in on the back of a breeze: the cool, crisp air cutting through summer’s claustrophobically fetid fug. And I for one can’t wait. I’ll finally be able to relax comfortably without feeling myself sticking to the furniture. I’m already able to sleep under the duvet again – sleeping with no covers over oneself is the weirdest, miserable experience. You need to sleep without the covers over you, because it’s so unbelievably hot & muggy that even the thinnest sheet becomes draped in moisture and clings to you like some insomniac form of Japanese water torture. But just lying there without any cover, you can feel how vulnerable and exposed you are to world. It’s a very sad feeling to go bed with no covers, even if the temperature demands it of you. So yes, Autumn, Fall, whatever y’all call it, it’s a-coming up here in the Northern Hemisphere and my inner ‘pumpkin-spice-infused-basic-bitch-white-chick’, couldn’t be happier.
I’m into Day 6. of induction and it’s been a weird-old couple of days (what I can remember of it/them anyway). On Thursday I was happily into that initial burst of energy you feel when you get into ketosis. Appetite was gone. Cravings were gone. Felt really positive. Felt like I was invincible even. So me and the other half were getting ready to go into town and I even found myself looking forward to the walk along the promenade. We gathered up all our bags, headed out and as soon as we started walking I felt amazing. The breeze was cool, the crows were all out in force on the beach, picking through the seaweed, everything was going to be great. [Spoiler: HA!]
Getting into town was fine; we were in the game store, the mini-mart, the chemist and even made it down to the bus station, with me still having a real spring in my step. We had about 10 minutes to wait for our bus, so we took the opportunity to sit down for a bit; tried to rearrange and consolidate our shopping bags a bit (give me fewer of them to accidentally leave behind).
And then it hit me. Like an actual physical force or weight from above me. I let out a loud, distorted “Owwwwwwwoooo!” and immediately began to regret all my overenthusiastic, faster pace and nonchalance upon leaving the house. It was all very well getting a genuine burst of physical energy as my body was burning its fat up, but that newfound energy didn’t suddenly make all my physical problems disappear. It just sort of overwhelmed my senses long enough for me to do myself more harm than good. Sitting there on that bench, pains started to shoot up and down my spine, managing to feel like both a hammer to my lumbar region and barbed-wire across my neck and shoulders, all at once. On top of that, the muscle in my left calf had gone into spasm, visually trembling underneath my trouser leg.
I can be such a moron sometimes: when I say I forget my age, middle name and house-number frequently, I’m not even being remotely hyperbolic. But you think I wouldn’t forget about a progressively worsening physiological problem that has been affecting me for the past 8 years, right? I mean, that’s the sort of thing that’s basically right there in the forefront of your mind, every single day, from the moment you wake up to the time you go to sleep. You don’t just let that shit slip.
Except maybe if you’re me and even the slightest extra pep in my step seems to be just enough to provoke some pretty poor decision making with regards to your body and what it’s capable of. I didn’t even remember to take my pain-killers before I left the house. THAT’S how sneakily powerful, the ketosis-energy burst thing is. It really did make me feel a bit immortal. I guess that’s another little thing to make a note of as I move through this new way of eating. A couple of days ago I was having a bit of existential introspection over the way ketosis had left me utterly apathetic towards all food. On Thursday I learned that I’m going to have all this extra energy on some days, so I’d need to try and find a better, less-crippling way of expending it. Because that brief trip into town absolutely obliterated me.
When we got home, I changed into my nightie, chugged back some pain killers and made myself a protein shake to have for dinner. Once I sat down, I was hit by a mixture of relief in the achy, overworked joints and a dull throbbing in the various parts of my body which play up during a fibro flare-up. What was I even thinking of? Storming off into town like I had a normal body…WTF?? I paid for it though. Hunched over like some Brothers’ Grimm hag-witch monstrosity (my hair helping to flesh out the likeness even more – thanks humidity!) I thought I might have actually done myself some real physical damage – although, that fear seems to plague me almost every time the fibro plays up. Something to do with the way the messages from my nerves to my brain’s pain receptors, not working correctly so I either don’t feel pain in the right place or I feel pain for no physiological reason. The arthritis is real enough, but the fibro is a cunning beast: mixing things up a little with a combination of both real manifestations of pain and subsequent sensations that originate in my brain for no good reason. Not that it matters what the cause is; both hurt like hell and it’s almost impossible to tell the difference.
But yeah. I can’t really recall much of the last day. I know I ate well. Even swallowed back a couple of tablespoons of coconut oil here and there. Tastes a bit weird and it does require the mastery of one’s gag-reflex, the first time you attempt to swallow it. But I got there in the end and it’s helping me to up my fat intake, because I’ve been consuming a lot of protein, salads and veggies but I really have to make the effort eat more fats if I’m going to remain in ketosis. At some point today I’m going to have to float on into the kitchen and put together something edible for me and the other half. Not looking forward to how hectic that’s gonna be. Trying to think of something that requires almost zero effort. Probably grill some burgers and Portabello mushrooms…do him some oven chips. Surely even I can’t balls that up, right?
Famous last words.
Anyway, there I was curled up on the sofa, willing my pain killers to kick in and do their job (not that they make the pain completely go away, but at least they dull it somewhat and make it more manageable) when the other half goes and scores some weed. The absolute legend. One of the best pain-relieving muscle relaxers out there. It’s simply the most effective thing for giving me relief and allowing my body to soften and relax. So we’ve been pretty wasted ever since then and I’m so relieved. I haven’t been this comfortable in ages. It has thrown up another curious sensation though as instead of having the munchies, stoned me in ketosis simply gets a craving for sweetness. Which is a bit of a relief really. Imagine having the proper munchies, with that growling stomach that demands the immediate consumption of a vast array of snacks, only to be doing low-carb at the time. That could’ve been a bit of a mare. Wanting to inhale cakes, biscuits, ice-cream and chocolate and trying to convince oneself that a piece of cheese and some ham are in any way going to cut it. Lol. Thankfully I was able to assuage my little sweet-craving with a caramel syrup coffee and I have a protein bar at the ready in case we go full ‘Code Blue’ and comestible reinforcements are required.
It’s all good.
Apart from that one little mission I’ll need to embark upon, in order to make dinner, I’m going to be spending the rest of the day on the sofa, in blissful oblivion, pain free and comfortable. We learned some lessons though over the past couple of days. One that I need to be more careful when hit by a ketosis energy burst. My brain might feel invincible in that moment, but my body isn’t (nor has ever been) the young, lithe, athlete my mind thinks it is in that moment. Gotta look out for that. Also we learned that the munchies aren’t the same when ketosis is in action. Nothing a sugar free syrup in the coffee can’t sort out. So yeah, lessons learned y’all.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Blue
Inelegantly Waisted 